www.RogerWendell.com
Roger J. Wendell
Defending 3.8 Billion Years of Organic EvolutionSM
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Tidbits and Miscellanea
(Things I find interesting but don't have another page for...)

 

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THE NAVAJO

Beauty is before me, and
Beauty behind me,
above me and below me
hovers the beautiful.

I am surrounded by it,
I am immersed in it.

In my youth, I am aware of it, and, in old age,
I shall walk quietly the beautiful trail.

In beauty it is begun.
In beauty, it is ended.

NEVER GIVE UP

Never give up
No matter what is going on
Never give up

Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
Is spent developing the mind instead of the heart
Develop the heart

Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
But with everyone
Be compassionate

Work for peace
In the your heart
And in the world
Work for peace

And I say again
Never give up
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up

His Holiness The Dalai Lama
& Ron Whitehead
(See my Tibet page...)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Art of Living Well

LOVE LIFE
TAKE
great pleasure in
SMALL OFFERINGS

BELIEVE
that the world
OWES YOU NOTHING

UNDERSTAND
that every gift given to you
IS EXACTLY THAT

REALIZE
that people who differ
from you
CAN BE FOUNTS OF FUN

Maya Angelou

 

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IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
  I'd relax, I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
  I would take fewer things seriously.
    I would take more chances.
		
I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
  I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
  I would perhaps have more actual troubles, 
    but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
		
You see, I'm one of those people who live 
  sensibly and sanely hour after hour, 
    day after day.
			
Oh, I've had my moments,
  And if I had it to do over again, 
    I'd have more of them.
  In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.
    Just moments, one after another,
  instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
	
I've been one of those people who never goes anywhere 
  without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat
    and a parachute.
If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over,
  I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
      and stay that way later in the fall.
  I would go to more dances.
  I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
  I would pick more daisies.

			Nadine Stair,
			85 years old.

Purple Cow

I've never seen a purple cow
I never hope to see one
But this I'll tell you anyhow
I'd rather see than be one

 

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Confused Confused?
  1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
  2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
  3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
  4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
  5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
  6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
  7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
  8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
  9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
  10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? !
  11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
  12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
  13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
  14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
  1. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
  2. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
  3. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  4. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  5. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  6. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
  7. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
  8. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
  9. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  10. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
  11. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  12. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
  13. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
  14. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

 

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A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or
unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently
used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

  1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
  6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  7. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  8. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  9. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
  10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  11. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  12. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  13. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  15. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  16. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
  17. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
  18. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
  19. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  20. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  21. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  22. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  23. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
  25. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  26. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
  27. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  28. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  29. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  31. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  32. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  33. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  34. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  35. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  36. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
  37. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

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Ponderisms:

  1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE
  2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  3. OK ..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
  4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?
  5. There are three religious truths:
    1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
    2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
    3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.
  6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
  7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
  9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
  10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
  11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
  12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
  14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
  15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.
  16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
  17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
  18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
  19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
  21. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
  22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
  23. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?

 

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More!

  1. - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  2. - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
  3. - Half the people you know are below average.
  4. - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  5. - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  6. - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  7. - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  8. - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
  9. - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
  10. - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  11. - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
  12. - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  13. - How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
  14. - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  15. - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  16. - When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.
  17. - Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.
  18. - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
  19. - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.
  20. - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  21. - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  22. - What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?
  23. - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
  24. - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  25. - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  26. - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  27. - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  28. - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  29. - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  30. - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  31. - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
  32. - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

 

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What's in a Name? "When a woman, upon marriage, chooses to take her husband's last name, or to keep her family name, or to use both names hyphenated, what is she saying about the extent to which marriage redefines her sense of who she is? Once, when a prospective bride told me that she would be using her fiancé's surname after marriage, I expressed mild surprise. I said to her, 'I had the impression you were a staunch feminist.' She answered, 'I am. If I'm to be known by some guy's name, I'd rather it be the guy I chose than the guy my mother chose.'"
 
From Harold S. Kushner's, Living a Life that Matters, p. 45

 

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